I went to the Health Museum (http://www.mhms.org/) Thursday. It was a field trip for either the K Level, Biology or English classes. Biology part being looking at the brain exhibits, and the English part being writing something about the brain. Most of the time it was fun, but in the end, I felt kind of subdued. So first we had 1st period, the right after it, we met at the entrance of the school near the flagpole. Teachers were handing out 5 different colored nametag stickers, and if you wanted to stick with a friend, you had to get the same colors as them. So there was a rush to get them. I managed to get 2 – purple and pink. I was deciding who to go with. This friend Kris, wanted to go with me. He already had a pink sticker. I kinda wanted to go, but I told him that I should hang out with other people once in awhile. So I was still deciding. Then these group of girls asked if I could have that pink sticker so there friend could go with them. I wanted to, but I still couldn’t decide yet, so I told them to wait and I’ll see. So I was still mulling over it, when Jonathan Moore came over, he wanted a pink too, because most of his friends were on pink. Pink seemed to be a hot color. He really started begging, and in the end I gave in to him. He said thanks and he owed me one. 20 seconds later, the group girls came back, and I had no extra pink sticker. I said I dropped it somewhere, and they obviously didn’t believe me, and were disappointed. Man did I feel so bad. So I was stuck with the purple team. Most of the purple people seemed to be the jocks, pretty girls, and you know, mostly the cool people. I’m good friends with them (or so I thought), just like I’m good friends with most people. So it didn’t seem that bad to me. So we got on, and we left. It was a pretty fun bus ride. I sat alone. Nobody seemed to want to sit with me. Or at least chose not to. So we arrived, and we entered. First, out team and the green team got to see a sheep brain dissection. The guy was really funny and entertaining. He showed us a whole lot of things about the brain, and used analogies and lots of stuff to help us understand it. It was pretty cool. Next, we had this thing, where we explored the human body. It was large, had lots of huge, interactive things to work with. We had a partner (I went with Kyle) and had to answer some stupid questions. We finished up the first page, and thought we were done, but there was a 2nd page, and we never finished it. Oh well. It was pretty fascinating. If we didn’t have to actually search for questions and stuff, and waste time doing that. But we had fun too. Then, we went to the theater again, and had this whole demo with 2 guys this time about the brain. We learned about each major part of the brain, and how it functions. This time we could have volunteers come up, and take some fun. Next, we went upstairs to see this CSI like thing. This guy (he was pretty boring and laid down lots of rules) told us about the field of forensics, and we got to see a video clip of a faux crime scene investigatio here in Houston, in where we had to solve it. We watched it, and then started examing the "clues" on our table. The clues were kinda stupid. We never really got it (like everybody else) so we assumed it was the victim’s friend and the friend’s brother (who also happened to be kinda of a boyfriend with the victim). It turned out to be them, kind of I think. We see at the end, of the friend’s brother dead, and the victim’s real boyfriend (2 boyfriends?) ordering plain tickets to Brazil. So he either was working with the victim’s friend to kill the victim, and managed to get away, OR he assumed that the victim’s friend’s boyfriend also killed her, and he wanted to get revenge on him by killing him and running away. I know, it’s confusing, most of us never understood it. But we do know the victim’s friend did kill her, because she managed to confess. Okay, so then we went through the real brain exhibit. We had another questionaire. I worked with Tim on this one. So we went around, looking. Tim wasn’t interested in doing this, and really wanted to just right a bunch of answers, and get on with it. I wanted to do that to, but I thought we should at least try before resorting to doing that. So we tried. Most of the buddy teams, often compared answers with each other. Otherwise known as copying. I managed to give out a whole lot of answers. And got very few back. I don’t like the idea of direct copying, but as long as you tried, then I think it’s okay to give the answer, just so we can get on with it, and just understand it. The exhibit was cool too, just like the other exhibits. We finished up with that and went on to the gift shop/restroom/getting our lunches. I took a glance over the gift shop, and nothing seemed too interesting to buy (sorry) except the soda machine. So I went and got my lunch (ham & cheese sandwich, Pepsi bottle, some Milanos in a bag, Funions bag, and grapes) and went outside. At first, I thought we were going to Herman Park, just right across the street, like we planned, but we had to go back to school, or else we would arrive to school late, and the bus riders would have to deal with finding another ride. So we ate on the bus. Arrived at school, and that’s it. It was overall a fun trip. But I also felt another side during the trip.
At first I thought everybody liked me. But during the trip, I felt that everybody was teasing me, and really didn’t like me as much as I thought they did. Like I was sitting next to Steven Grant in the 2nd time in the theater, and he always kept teasing me over and over again how I was a great buddy, and said, "I love you Michael. Do you love me?" What does he think? Am I gay or something? We both know he’s not gay (had this girl with him, and is always with one most of the time) so why’s he so interested? It’s like that with other people too. I don’t know if this is what lots of people like to say, or tease with, but it sounded kind of mean this time. Steven Franco also commented me being smart (I think he said that) but he knows, and everybody else knows I’m not smart. I mean it might seem like I’m smart, but I’m definitely not smart. I hate it when people keep making fun of me like that. I know I’m not as smart as most people, but do you have to keep doing that. Usually I don’t feel this bad when people tease me. But somehow it struck me. Then there was this pretty girl who kept staring at me a lot. I get that with a lot of people too. Am I that ugly? I know I’m not Mr. Handsome or Mr. Hottie, but do people have to stare at me a lot? I don’t think I look that bad, or had spinach in my teeth. It just seems to be me. Unless we all like to randomly stare at different people sometimes. Then there were people who wanted to copy some answers, and they eventually found me, and just copied them, and said thanks, and left. Am I just there for answers? Am I just a person you can only use for copying answers, and just leave? It kind of made me feel a bit surprised and sad. Usually I don’t mind giving answers, in fact, I love to help people in anyway I can, but it seemed just different that time. Like the people I was helping didn’t even care about me. And there were other things on the trip that made feel like a nobody. So when we got back to school (I sat alone again) I was just tired, and wanted to be left alone. There was only like 10 minutes of school left, so we just stood around and talked. I just tried to keep to myself, but people kept bothing me, saying if I had fun, or why I looked so down. Why do people have to bother me? Is it enough that I’m not good enough. So I stood next to a brick wall, and then Quinn (this senior) said hi, and introduced me to Steven Franco (like I already didn’t know him) and Franco says, "Oh, I already know Michael, he’s my buddy right?" So then he asked how I was doing, and I just said "I’m tired. Leave me alone." He went all right, and left me alone. It’s been a long hard time. I remember during the beginning of the year I felt exactly the same way too. Nobody likes me, everybody hates me. Then since the beginning of the 2nd semester, I felt that people actually did like me, and I got to know more people, and just felt more confident. I felt alive, and said hi a lot, and just felt overall great to see everybody again. But since that field trip, I’m back to feeling that way. But this time it’s just not that people don’t like me. They like to make fun of me. In front of me, they’re nice and polite, behind my back they snicker. Just like a 2-sided coin. I never felt this bad before, but maybe it’s time I started realizing this. Nobody cares. I’m just another one of those people you know, and can use. I’m tired of it. Nobody has respect for me. I don’t think I’m going to be so friendly when we get back to school Monday. Today, as of Friday, we didn’t have school because of Easter. I just hope I can feel better by Monday. I don’t know if I’m overreacting because of all the excitement that day, but it just seems to have hurt my heart. Or I could be a real softy, and just feel so emotional over things. Either way, it starts adding up to making me sound like a loser. I really hope things get better by Monday.